today is the day

gosh, it's so hard. i didn't think that it would be so hard leaving all this behind. yesterday there was trouble.... with my best friend and my brother. not between them but between me and them. i just want to stay here, it's too hard, i don't think that i'm strong enough.
i'm doing the last things before we drive to the airport. i'm nervous, my tummy hurts, i feel terrible. it's a feeling i never had before. i'm just... so nervous, i don't know what i should expect.

M.

china starts tomorrow

this is the last day at home. i'm still not pretty nervous, but my tummy hurts. i guess that's how i get nervous. so, today i have to pack my stuff and it's so hard, i just don't know what i want to take with me. my mum asked me if i want to take a little memory with me, something like a picture... but i don't want to. i think if i always stare on this picture, the year will get harder for me.
i'm not sure if i will miss all this too much, but sure i will miss my family very much and of course my best friends (there aren't a lot of them) and my room, my house, my garden. everything, just... germany. but i just don't believe that i will start to cry.
i made a list what to pack my bag with... but i'm sure i forgot a lot, it's hard for me packing my stuff, because i never do take many things with me, i always had the smallest bag when i was on a trip with the class or something like that.
this will actually be the blog my family will read and all the others who know the domain. i'm curious if and when i will have internet so i can continue my blog, i will try to buy a laptop as early as i can. all this should be exciting, but i guess it's just not... realistic to me. it's hard for me to realize that i'm going to china for nearly one year, actually 11 months. i want to learn the language a bit, so i'll see how far i get.

tomorrow 17.30 i'm on the plane and thinking of china. 10 hours.

M.